I used to think that love was this wonderful thing that everyone should experience at least once in their lifetime. But now, I would change that perspective to say that everyone should learn self-love as soon as possible in their lives. I have been in love a few times, and with each time, a little piece of me broke. I never thought I would ever change to the point that I would no longer want to experience love again.
I fell in love with a man I didn’t even realize I was truly in love with until the moment he started pushing me away. I thought I hated him for how he made me feel when I was around him, but the moment he left, I felt broken and alone. This man said he still loved me and showed it most days, but then there were moments when his actions proved otherwise. I broke every part of myself trying to fix someone else—trying to mold them into what I thought was supposed to be the perfect partner.
What I had to learn is that there is no such thing as the perfect partner. The perfect partner is someone who takes the time to listen, even when they don’t want to. They’re willing to hear how you’re feeling and how their actions are affecting you. But the perfect partner isn’t some knight in shining armor. It’s a person who’s willing to learn how to communicate, even when everything feels like it’s too much.
I’ve learned that to find the perfect partner, you have to first become the perfect partner. And to do that, you have to heal your old wounds on your own before you can work on relationship wounds. Only then can you understand how to respond to things in a healthy way. I’ve finally reached the point in my life where I know it’s time to find myself and heal—and it hasn’t been easy.
I spent three months driving around the United States, which most of you know about. Then I moved myself and my two dogs to Hawaii, only to bring them back to Florida three months later because of work. I hated the fact that I had to leave them for a few months, but my debt kept growing while I was stuck at home with limited ways to make money. On Christmas Day, I decided to bring the dogs back to Florida, and everything that could go wrong did. My flight was canceled, I lost a significant portion of my income that day, and it cost me over $1,300 to get to Florida one way. It has been a hell of a journey, to say the least.
After spending two weeks in Florida waiting for appointments, I went to Reno to clear my head and gain a new perspective on life. Being in Reno helped me realize that I can’t just pour all my time into work—I need to balance work and life. While I was there, I worked on getting new content for my YouTube channel and other pages, but I also started learning how to create a healthier work-life balance.
Being in Reno has also taught me patience. Not having my own vehicle and relying on other people’s schedules has been frustrating, but it was a lesson I needed. It made me appreciate the space and solitude I’ve worked so hard to build for myself back in Hawaii. It also reminded me to cherish the time I have with others because you never know when someone will walk out of your life.
Another thing I’ve learned is that I should have never relied on other people. People always seem to fail you in the end. The only advice I can give right now is this: truly learn to rely on yourself, because people come and go, but you will always have yourself in the end.
Life has a way of forcing you to learn lessons. Sometimes we’re so blind to the lessons right in front of us because we’re too focused on our own selfish desires. We tend to overlook what we actually need. Self-love is one of those lessons that we ignore because we’re too busy trying to please others. I’m learning on this journey that I have to be selfish now. When I wasn’t, I let everyone else deplete me. But self-love teaches you how to love properly.
They say you can’t love someone else until you learn to love yourself, and I believe that’s true in a sense. When you love someone, you can lose yourself in them—constantly trying to make them happy while ignoring your own wants and needs. That kind of love often turns into obsession, and the other person can start to resent you.
When you love yourself properly, you have boundaries. You do things to make yourself happy, and the love you share with a partner comes from shared experiences and mutual respect—not out of validation or a need to make them love you. The love you receive is based on who you are and the connection you share, not what you can do for them.
At least, this is what I’ve learned from my own experiences on this journey called life. I’ve realized that I have an anxious attachment style, and I’m learning how to navigate that daily. Healing unresolved trauma on my own has been one of the hardest yet most rewarding things I’ve ever done. The losses I’ve experienced this past year—losing my home, ending a relationship, and moving across an ocean alone—were incredibly difficult. But those challenges helped me find the strength within myself to push forward and become the best version of me.
Now, I’m ready to begin the next chapter of my life. Whether that means staying in Hawaii and making it work, moving back to Florida, or starting somewhere new, I’m ready to take that step. Starting next month, I’ll find out just how strong I really am. Without the dogs, I plan to do things differently and focus on building the life I’ve always dreamed of.
As I reflect on everything I’ve experienced, I realize how much growth can come from the hardest moments in life. It’s not about avoiding pain or loss; it’s about learning how to rebuild yourself when everything feels broken. Life has a way of testing you, of breaking you open so that you can rebuild stronger, wiser, and more resilient.
I don’t know exactly what the future holds, but I’ve learned to embrace the uncertainty. Each step I take now is about finding peace within myself, continuing to heal, and building a life that aligns with who I truly am. It’s not going to be easy—real growth never is—but I’m ready to face whatever comes my way.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: every chapter, no matter how painful, serves a purpose. It helps shape us into the people we’re meant to become. So here I am, turning the page and stepping into the unknown with hope, determination, and, most importantly, love for myself.
To anyone out there who feels lost, broken, or unsure of what’s next, remember this—you have the strength to rise again. Take the time to heal, rediscover yourself, and trust that the journey ahead will be worth it.
This is my journey, my story, and my chance to start again. And I’m taking it one step at a time.
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