What I'm grateful for
I have been trying to get this blog online all month but every time I have a chance to sit down to write a blog, I tend to get distracted. I start to write and as soon as I sit down, someone either turns on the TV, or they start talking to me and expect me to respond in mid thought. Half the time people don't take things I say or do seriously, so they don't care if I am busy or not. They will still try to distract me, not even noticing that I am trying to get work done. I just wanted to write a blog about the things I am thankful for and tell everyone that no matter how hard life gets lately, I can still look around me and notice the wonderful things I have in my life. Even though I have been super depressed lately because Jimmy was out of town, I can't see my oldest son for thanksgiving, or I am under a bit of stress in my daily life, I can still look around me and notice the things that make me smile.
For instance, I am still alive and I woke up another day to write this blog.
I went to bed early last night because I haven't really been sleeping lately, and I was finally able to get eight hours of sleep for the first time in I don't know how long. It was kind of nice getting that rest because I knew how long today was going to be. I started cooking my turkey around 11 am and that was literally the perfect time to put it in because all my food finished around the same time. I couldn't have timed it any better. I made all my side dishes last night so I didn't have to worry about making everything today and rushing it all at once. If I would have waited until today to make them, I would have been rushing around like a chicken with my head cut off, and freaking out not getting everything done when it needed to be. I remember when I was a young mom and trying to get everything ready by myself, all while trying to take care of toddlers. It's funny how much life changes as the time passes by.
I am thankful for my fans, if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't push myself to keep making content and putting myself out there as much as I do. I have had many fans message me telling me that if it wasn't for me telling my story about some of the things I have endured as a woman in this world, then they wouldn't have kept on thinking there was no happy ending after the hell they have gone through. I do what I do because I love being able to inspire others and help them to push forward to see what they are capable of. I stream so I can connect with the world to help them to feel as though this world isn't as lonely of a place as it seems, and to show everyone that there is hope even when all feels lost. I am thankful that I can share my story so that I don't feel as though I am so broken and falling apart every second of the day.
I am thankful for my best friend who will hop in the car with me at the drop of a dime and travel across the country to pick up the man I love, and grateful for how he is always protective over my puppies. How Roller has always put others first even when he should put himself before others. I am grateful that the puppies have him to walk with them and give them adventures when I don't have the energy to take them on walks. I am grateful that my best friend and I can drop all our anger and resentment when we are mad at each other, and put our heads together to make smart decisions about our lives when it comes to investing in this house. I am grateful for how smart Roller is because if it wasn't for him, you wouldn't be reading this blog right now. He built my website and helped me to become the model I was meant to be. I am grateful because after 14 years of friendship, he is still my best friend and family!
I am grateful for my two boys, without them, I wouldn't have the drive to be the role model I have been for them since the day they were born. When I found out I was pregnant with my first son, I didn't think I was ever going to be able to have children because the doctors told me that I couldn't have kids due to the fact that I had cervical, uterine, and ovarian cancer. I found out that I was cancer free the first time, when they gave me a biopsy on my cervix. The doctor called me to tell me the good news about not having cancer, and also proceeded to tell me that I was pregnant and they shouldn't have done the test without giving me a pregnancy test first. I didn't care about any of it except the fact that I was pregnant with my first baby. I had never been so happy in my whole life until I heard the news that day. I then proceeded to drive to the fire department and tell my ex husband with my friend Mary, after we went to Walmart and bought a precious baby boy outfit. Little did I know that I was carrying a boy.
I am thankful for my oldest son. I love how strong of a drive he has to push for the things he wants in this life. He moved to Las Vegas at the end of his 17th year and finished his last year in high school in Las Vegas with his dad. He loved going to school out there because he started joining in school activities and being part of groups. When he was here at home, he wouldn't join in anything because it was so cold in Colorado where we lived that he would barely even go outside. Now that he lives in Vegas, he barely goes outside still, but he has a few good friends that he hangs out with and actually spends his time productively. He works for Apple out of his house so he doesn't even have to leave his house for work because he does IT work at home. He has learned well from watching Roller and I work hard from home and still be able to sustain a reliable income.
I am thankful for my youngest son Casey. He is such a hard working kid that pushes himself to go to work everyday and deal with my crazy days. I am going through my depression and the days that I yell and scream and want the world to hear me, Casey is great at dealing with me and supporting me so I can calm down. Casey worked really hard to buy himself a car this year. He saved all his money that he made working at Wendys, and put money he saved with the money his dad and I gave him to get himself a reliable running car. Then when we moved and he graduated high school, and all his friends got busy and didn't have time to hang out because they have school since they were younger, he got another job and started working out to keep himself motivated and out of trouble. I'm proud of the men that both my boys are growing into.
I am thankful for my friends Amanda and Sabra as well because they are my two ride-or-die girls that I run to when I need someone to talk to, and I can't talk to anyone else. They are the ones I run to when I need some womanly advice and can't figure shit out on my own. Amanda has been my best friend since I was 16 years old, and introduced me to the first guy I was ever engaged to. She has been my ride-or-die since the moment we met. We have listened to music together many days when we had nowhere to go just chilling in her room while her mom was complaining about something, or walking around Needles even though it was 120 degrees outside because we both just didn't want to go home to deal with my mom or hers. We have lost each other and reconnected after years of not talking and falling out. We have been sisters from the moment we met, and we will always be family. Sabra and I met through Mary. We would go to Laughlin when I had a fake ID at 19, and we would go dancing at losers lounge until the sun came up. We would always bullshit with the bouncer named Big Ed, and just get him laughing all night at how crazy we were. If you want to have a night where you will laugh your ass off, then Sabra is the girl to party with. That woman drink till the bars close and still come out walking with her head held high.
Last but not least my baby Jimmy, I am so thankful for him I don't even know where to begin. He has changed my whole perception on the way I see men. He has shown me how a man truly loves a woman by the way he walks up to me and kisses my neck when I'm cooking, or by how he does little things for me when I least expect it. He brings me little things to snack on when I am too busy to take care of myself, and he brings me bongs when he sees me stressing and can't even take a moment to sit down and think. He is the best friend I never knew I wanted, and the best friend I have always had. He is the man that makes me smile, and drives me insane with his stubbornness. He can get my blood boiling on some days, and have my heart skipping beats on others. I am thankful for Jimmy because he always keeps me on my toes to see what I am capable of and pushes me to my limits. I could go on and on about Jimmy, but I am going to write another blog just about him and I and how we met.
Well this blog is a bit longer than I planned on it being, so I am going to leave it here. I hope you all had an amazing turkey day, and enjoyed some good food and time with your loved ones. For those of you that don't celebrate, I hope you had an amazing night as well!
Until next time, Blessed be!