New Year Is Here

I cant believe its already 2022

04 FEB 2022By Kandie Angel

Hey y'all, how's it going? I can't believe it is already another year. That year went faster that the last few years. It was probably one of the hardest years of my life to go through. I went from getting married at the end of 2020, to getting divorced at the beginning of 2021, then losing my income at end the year. I am slowly starting to get it back but not anywhere near where I was. I did start working with Jimmy laying tile and helping him with all that stuff that it involves to do that job. I am learning a lot. I guess you can say when one door opens another one closes. At first I was feeling like I was being tortured for some reason, or a form of some type of punishment for something I have done to someone in a past life, but then I started looking at it as though it is a blessing because it is teaching me a trade. The cool thing is the fact that I get to work with Jimmy everyday, so we spend all our time together. Some days it has its moments of being a little overwhelming, but most days I truly enjoy it because I am learning something that I can use for myself as a trade later on in life if I ever want to branch out on my own.

This year has been a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. Just to start, I auditioned at strip club and they waited until I was done with my audition before they told me that I couldn't work there because I had too many tattoos. its kind of funny that they told me after I danced on a pole, but the guy seen me in my outfit the whole time while I was waiting for the song to start. I think they truly didn't hire me because of my age, but its illegal to discriminate against someone over the age of 40 years of age. I did however realize that it is so hard to make myself get on that pole and dance for two songs. My body might look like it is still in shape, but holy fuck it was killing me for two days straight afterwards to the point that I couldn't even be touched, then a few more days where I felt like my whole body was bruised. I do have to say one thing though, construction work is almost as bad as pole dancing. Swinging a hammer, lifting heavy things, tearing out old drywall, and just doing all kinds of manual labor, its all very hard. lol I will say one thing, you definitely don't know what you got until its gone!

Do you ever feel like your life is kind of like that movie groundhog day? Not that everyday is the same over and over every year, but more like similar things happen each year that make you feel as if you are in a never ending loop.... That's how it has all been feeling lately. With everything going on, I am just having a hard time dealing with it all. Its just too much all at once, and it hits like a ton of bricks. I am slowly feeling like I am drowning a little more each day with all this stress. Not finding time to get my stuff done after working all day is pissing me off because I am so tired by the time we get home that I have no energy to force myself to go to the gym or do laundry when I need it. I just need to find a balance through it all. If I can find some sort of groove that I can get in, then I think things might start to fall into place.

Last year towards the end of the year, a few of my friends had passed away. In august my boyfriends grandma died, then my friend Krishin died of a brain aneurism in September. a week later my boyfriend's best friend had died of a heart attack, then in November my best friend lost her dad, and then my boyfriends step dad passed away as well shortly after that. Then in December, the artist/friend who did my very first tattoos Ronnie Miller passed away as well. Then I got a call last week and my recent ex husband called me to tell me that he only has a few years left to live as well because he was diagnosed with cancer in his brain and his lungs. So I have been surrounded by a bunch of hard things to try and process lately and I am just trying to hold it together. If it wasn't for my boyfriend helping me keep it together though it all, and my best friend taking care of my puppies all day when I am working, I don't know what I would do. I am truly grateful for the few people I have in my life that I can truly count on.

Well Now I have to go back to work, I only had a few minutes to write this blog today because I don't get much free time these days through the crazy. This blog is a short one, but I ended up getting it out in February instead of January, so bare with me as I get caught up. For now I hope you al have an amazing day, and I will try to get another blog out in the next two weeks or so. If I dont get to chat with you before then, I hope you all have a happy and loving valentines day!